


Choose to Return

by Arisprite



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Doumeki trying really hard not to be in love with Watanuki, He's failing, Himawari Doumeki friendship, M/M, Missing Scenes, Sparse language, the world needs more of that, xxxHOLiC Rei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 18:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4359911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arisprite/pseuds/Arisprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doumeki was back, in high school, in the old routine, and old habits. And it's better and more painful than he could have ever expected, agreeing to travel into another dimension with Watanuki to grant another's wish. For, he finds himself wishing he could stay where Watanuki is young, and they don't have the cares of the old world. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Doumeki POV of xxxHolic Rei, and it sticks with canon. Unfortunately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choose to Return

**Author's Note:**

  * For [username_goes_here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/username_goes_here/gifts).



> Rémy was lamenting to me the lack of xxxHOLiC Rei fic. I decided to remedy that a bit.

Doumeki woke on his own futon. Well, not exactly. It was his futon from high school, from his childhood home, on the flat tatami mats of the temple he’d grown up in. He blinked, looking around the bare walls, the slightly patterned screens, and the angle of the light slanting in through the paper. It was about time to get up for school. 

High school. 

He was back. 

And yet, not. His mother should have been coming in to wake him, and prod him into doing the sweeping before he had to leave to walk to school. She always had made a quick breakfast before she had gone off to work, leaving the temple in the hands of the few priests that lived on the grounds. But, Watanuki hadn’t known much of that - he hadn’t been around that much, back then. Ten years ago, when he was sixteen, the way he appeared now. 

Watanuki had had a wish to grant, a task to gather some items that he didn’t know the identity of, but he needed to go to a different dimension to do it. After some fierce arguing, and phone calls from Kunogi, Watanuki had agreed to bring them along. So, on his birthday, the only day Kunogi came to the shop, he and Kunogi had lay down on two of the spare futons in the shop, and allowed the magic to take them… here. Back to their teenage years. Somewhere, Kunogi was waking like him, in a half finished world, because most of the dimension would only be constructed as Watanuki experienced it. And, in the shop, Watanuki was waking up, without his memories of any other time than this. 

Doumeki sat up, feeling the younger body, the smoother movements, and (honestly) trimmer waist of his sixteen year old self. He was only twenty six, but the stress of the last ten years, and and a school desk job had made a slight difference in his stamina. Amazing. He wondered if Kunogi was finding similar differences. 

He stood, and put on his high school uniform, pressed in the closet, though he knew that he’d hardly ever pressed it, grabbed his old bag and headed out through the empty temple. Guess he didn’t need to sweep. He left the gates at the regular time, and found that Watanuki was busy standing outside the temple, _not_ waiting for him, like he’d always done. 

“Oi,” Doumeki greeted, like old times. 

“How many times do I have to tell you, my name isn’t ‘Oi’!” Watanuki yelled back, and Doumeki had to press down an interesting mix of emotions. He looked so _young_ , so much less world-weary, though technically, he supposed Watanuki here, and the one he’d left back in the shop looked the same. Nostalgia gripped his throat, and Doumeki was glad that he didn’t often have to reply in their little script of theirs, because he didn’t know if he’d be able to get a word out. 

“And, don’t think I came this way, cause I was waiting for _you_! Especially if you don’t keep up. And, by the way, Himawari-chan requested lunch today, so don’t even try to argue about it, you big clod, because she asked first, and you’ll eat whatever’s leftover!”

He continued, and they walked to school, like they had before, and Doumeki hadn’t thought that the normal routine - and getting it back - would hurt this much. 

Then, Watanuki paused mid-rant, and turned to him with a strange knowing look in his eye. Not unusual for the Shopkeeper he’d left behind, but strange for the teenager he’d known. 

“Oi, what’s wrong with you?” he asked, and Doumeki had a flash of concern. If he was still as perceptive as this, they might not accomplish what they’d set out to do before the discrepancies of this world woke Watanuki to the fact that they weren’t meant to be there. 

Doumeki took refuge in an old habit, one guaranteed to incite Watanuki’s rage. 

“You’re too loud,” he said flatly, plugging his ear on that side. He was ready for the shouting fit that ensued. 

Giggles sounded from the side of them, and Doumeki looked up to see Kunogi on the path to the school yard. 

“Good morning, Watanuki-kun! Doumeki-kun!” she smiled brightly. 

“Ahh, good morning, Himawari-chan~!” Watanuki sang. “You’re looking cuter than ever!” 

“She looks the same as always,” Doumeki said flatly, knowing Kunogi wasn’t offended. Both a truth, and an untruth. She too was younger, wearing the school uniform, and with her curls pulled up like they’d been - before the window, and before the scars that still peeked over her collar occasionally. The last time he’d seen her, though, she’d been ten years older than now, the same as he - with shorter hair, and tired eyes from her infant daughter. There’d been a ring glinting off her finger, but her hand was bare now. 

Watanuki turned at his remark, and screeched. 

“How could you be so rude, you idiot! She looks perfect, unlike _your_ ugly face!” 

Kunogi giggled again, playing the part perfectly, much better than him. 

“You two are so funny!” she said. 

“We are nooot!” Watanuki whined, but while his eyes were closed in exaggerated anguish, Kunogi met his eyes with a sad smile. It was then that it sank in, how hard this would be. Not just finishing the task, and guiding Watanuki back to them in the end of it, but living through this again. Doumeki nodded back to her, and swallowed, before following them both into school. 

~

But then, surprisingly, they fell into the routine. It was easy to walk to school with Watanuki, antagonize him like before, without the weight of all that had happened between them. It was easy to steal food from his lunch, and demand meals, and go with him on errands for Yuuko. 

A Yuuko, who was still in the shop, again like the old days. Doumeki worried that the fact that he came to the shop now would tip off Watanuki, but Yuuko invited him in, and so he came, and ate and drank in the familiar rooms. 

“Do you even have a wish?” Watanuki demanded when he walked in, and Doumeki had to lie and say no, even though he had many, but none of them were able to be granted. Not by this shopkeeper. 

School was easy, and he didn’t even really have to do his homework, since the teachers weren’t actually real, and they only paid as much attention as Watanuki did. Which wasn’t much. The temple chores did themselves, unless Watanuki noticed that he should do them, and only then did Doumeki have to sweep. At least, until Doumeki convinced Watanuki that he should make something with the perfect nuts the temple grounds had been delivered, and got him to sweep for them. It was certainly an odd, if entertaining, existence. 

Kunogi met with him while Watanuki was occupied at school, skipping out of their other classes (which, if Watanuki wasn’t present, were just odd repetitions of the topic; and there was only so many times Doumeki could listen to the teacher say the word ‘chemistry’ in varying inflections). 

“Hi, Doumeki-kun,” she said, having never lost that habit. She sat down beside him on the school steps, tucking her skirt around herself. “These skirts are shorter than I remember.” 

Doumeki huffed. “You’re used to being taller.” He knew he was. He’d grown a good five or six inches after high school, finally passing Watanuki with no argument. They’d been within an inch of each other when they were sixteen, and Watanuki stopped growing. 

Kunogi laughed. “I suppose you’re right.” She put her chin in her hand, and looked out into the school courtyard. “How have you been? Being back.” 

Doumeki shrugged. Aside from the oddness of the world, it was even stranger being back with a Watanuki like this. He was so innocent, so naive, and yet he did have these moments where he saw the Shopkeeper he knew for the past ten years. It hurt to almost not recognize him, and it hurt to see more of him than he had for a long time. This Watanuki had no reason to hide most of his emotions, and even his yelling at him was different, open and honest, where the shopkeeper kept most things close. 

“It’s… hard,” he decided to say, because it was true, and he didn’t like lying to Kunogi. There was another difference. Doumeki found he’d missed Kunogi’s presence in his life. She’d withdrawn from the shop, from Watanuki and by extension him, for her own sake, and Doumeki didn’t blame her in the slightest, but it was nice to see her every day again, instead of just once a year. 

Kunogi sighed. “I was worried I was the only one,” she said. “It’s so… well, I suppose it’s not different. That was the point.” 

Doumeki nodded. “It’s that it’s the same, that makes it hard.” 

Kunogi looked off towards the school building, where somewhere, Watanuki was taking a test on something he’d learned years ago. 

“I almost want him to never remember. He’s so much happier than he is in the shop.” 

Doumeki swallowed, and moved his hand to his pocket. Somehow, amazingly, he’d been able to take the object that Watanuki didn’t even know about, into this made up world. The egg, that (so far as he could tell) would erase the memories of Yuuko, and let Watanuki live a happy life, was right here. With it, he could grant Kunogi’s very wish. He wondered if the fact that it came with him, meant that the time was right to use it? Yet, as always, he left it in his pocket. 

“That’s his choice,” Doumeki replied with. That is what it always came down to, wasn’t it? Watanuki’s choices. 

Kunogi smiled, putting a hand on Doumeki’s shoulder. “I know it is. But, that’s why we’re here, isn’t it? To help him make the right choice.” 

“Whatever it is,” Doumeki murmured, and Kunogi’s smile saddened. 

“Right.” 

Doumeki looked at her then, a teenager again, like him. But, unlike him, she’d left a family behind. Doumeki’s most important person was here with him, but Kunogi…

“How are you, here?” he asked, quietly, sudden gratitude filling him. If he’d had to do this alone…

Kunogi smiled, hiding her sadness, though her eyes glimmered. 

“Is it silly, that even with all this, what I want most is to hold my baby? I miss her.”

Doumeki shook his head, sure that it was the furthest thing from silly in the world. He put his arm around her, and let her rest her head against his shoulder. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. “For coming for him.”

Kunogi lifted her head a bit, to look him in the eye. “I came for you too, Doumeki.” She laughed a little, and wiped at the corner of her eye. “Don’t worry about me.” 

Doumeki tightened his hold around her, both taking comfort in the only person who could understand. 

~

Watanuki yelled when he found them, about evil Doumeki threatening his precious Himawari-chan’s virtue, and asking if he made her miss class. Doumeki simply plugged his ears, while Kunogi giggled, all trace of her sadness gone. She was far better at hiding than he was, but Watanuki rarely noticed anything, anyway. 

But, things did get better, and Doumeki found himself having fun, and even forgetting that there was anything other than this, for minutes at a time. Teasing Watanuki, even more than old times, musing out loud mental notes contrived to make him flail, and even poking and touching him far more than he ever had before. It was odd that it felt comfortable, even natural, to prod   
his face when he was too deep in thinking. He hadn’t done that when they were teenagers, and he didn’t do that when he’d visit the Shopkeeper. But Watanuki only blushed and didn’t even complain much. 

It was dangerous, perhaps, to get comfortable with him in that way. But Doumeki found he couldn’t resist trying to bring up that blush again. Often it came with pairing up with Yuuko to tag team tease Watanuki until he was a gibbering, wailing mess. It was rather impressive, and had never happened back when he had all the anxieties of a teenager. 

And, Watanuki was making progress. He’d gathered some of the items he needed. Yuuko was cryptic and drank with Doumeki most evenings, bidding him wait for _something_ and do his best, and the world spun on, in its strange way. He held the egg in his hands, those nights in Yuuko’s temple, and wondered if _this_ is what she meant? If _this_ was the time she’d had him waiting for. Still, he couldn’t make the choice. 

Kunogi took to rolling out a futon in the spare room of the temple, saying that her home was too barren. Watanuki had never been to her house, and in this world it was generic, plain and empty. Doumeki didn’t mind. The temple was empty too. She left before Watanuki passed by in the mornings, so as to not jar him out of the routine. 

Late one evening, Kunogi sat curled in her pajama pants, a pondering look on her face. 

“He’s beginning to wake, I think,” she said. Doumeki looked up from the manga he’d stolen from Watanuki, at some point in the real world, ten years ago, and found here in his room in the temple. The pages were all full - Watanuki must have remembered this story better than most. Kunogi half smiled at him. “The headaches and dizziness are far too familiar, aren’t they?”

Doumeki thought, and nodded. They were eerily similar to the events leading up to Yuuko’s death, and Watanuki’s ascension to Shopkeeper. But, they were different, yet. Watanuki was not so scared. Some part of him knew exactly what was happening. It was nice that they knew what was going on too.

Kunogi put her chin on her folded arms. 

“He had a headache at lunch today, and I massaged his head. It was nice to touch him, without being afraid.” 

Kunogi’s bad luck wasn’t effective here, they’d realized. After all, they weren’t really here. They were back in the shop, and if all went well, not more than a day would pass in the real world. Kunogi’s daughter and husband wouldn’t even know she had been gone. 

Doumeki nodded, feeling an odd burst of jealousy. Not in the traditional way, just that Watanuki was probably grateful to Kunogi when she smoothed tense muscles, and he never would have been to Doumeki. 

She cut him a knowing glance then, and he realized he’d forgotten how perceptive she was. Kunogi smiled at him. 

“You could try here…?” she said, gently implying something he’d never spoken out loud. She didn’t know he’d already been reaching out more, almost against his will, but Doumeki knew what she meant, and he shook his head firmly. 

Kunogi smiled sympathetically, and reached over to put a hand on his. 

“I’m sorry, Doumeki-kun. I know how hard you’ve had it, over the years.”

Doumeki didn’t reply, and soon she retired to her room, still with a sad smile on her face. 

~

The time was close, but every time he asked Yuuko, she’d say, ‘not yet’. Still, Doumeki began prodding Watanuki, asking him pointed questions about why he knew things he shouldn’t have, and making a point of watching him eat. He could tell Watanuki was becoming uneasy, confused at himself, unsure about this world. 

As for Doumeki, he was ready to go, simply because there was a larger and larger part of him that wanted to stay. It scared him, how close they’d gotten, how he could reach out and touch him, and Watanuki would look at him, grateful for the support. They walked in the dark to meet the god of the mountains, and they stood under an out of season bloomed sakura tree, and Doumeki wanted to stay forever. 

While the woman went inside to fetch a carrying container for the strange flower in Watanuki’s hand, they looked at each other for a long moment. Just now was the closest that Watanuki had come to the Shopkeeper, he knew now that he was finishing a task, that he wasn’t supposed to be here forever… but the way he was looking at Doumeki wasn’t like the Shopkeeper, and it wasn’t like how Watanuki had been. He was examining his face, and looking straight into his eyes, like there were mysteries there that Watanuki couldn’t figure out. 

Doumeki knew the feeling. That was how he felt looking into Watanuki’s eyes. He realized he was still staring, still frowning at least, but he was beginning to be distracted by the softness of Watanuki’s brow, and how his eyes suited him, or the way his silk-like hair waved gently in the wind. He looked beautiful, with the petals floating around, and this moment, this whole thing was far far too risky. He shouldn’t allow himself to look at Watanuki like this. 

Then again, Watanuki was looking at him too. 

There was a pause, and then Watanuki opened his mouth, a brief frown floating over his face. 

“Are you-?” 

The woman reappeared, breaking the moment and Doumeki had never felt so relieved. Or disappointed. 

~

Doumeki followed Watanuki back to the shop, holding the flower in the cage. A feeling of completion settled over Doumeki. That was it, it was done. Watanuki had a choice to make, and he knew it. The moment had come. 

Doumeki’s hand drifted towards his pocket, and then away. Not that moment. 

Watanuki was quiet as they walked, until they came to an intersection, and he looked at him again. Doumeki felt caught in his gaze, and he’d thought he had had more defenses than this. 

“You… knew. That we were here for a reason,” he half asked, looking soft and pensive. 

Doumeki nodded, finally moving his eyes away. “I wasn’t going to let you go alone. Neither was Kunogi.” 

Watanuki returned the nod, his eyes far away. “I don’t… remember everything, but, she has a family, doesn’t she? She came here… even with them waiting?”

“She thought it was worth it,” Doumeki replied. Watanuki looked down, and then back at him. 

“And you?” 

Doumeki shrugged. “I didn’t leave anyone behind.” _You_ came with me. The only danger for him was wanting to stay forever. 

Watanuki closed his eyes. Maybe he understood. Maybe he didn’t. It didn’t matter. It was his choice, not Doumeki’s. Not this time, though the egg was heavy in his pocket. 

At the shop, he watched Watanuki move further in, while he and Maru and Moro stood in the entryway. The girls had become a part of his family, in a way, and he put a hand on both of their heads. They waited, for Watanuki’s choice. 

~

Doumeki woke, on the spare futon in the shop, an arms length away from Kunogi. He lay there for a moment, having forgotten how /real/ the world was, how heavy his adult body could feel, and the sensations were overwhelming for a moment or two. Then, it cleared, and life moved to the background as it usually was. 

Kunogi sat up, rubbing her eyes. 

“We’re back?” she asked, and Doumeki sat up too, nodding. 

“He made his choice.” 

Kunogi pulled herself up to her feet, and then looked down at him. 

“And you, Doumeki-kun?” she asked, smiling a little as she reached down to help him up. He took her hand, and used her strength to stand, for just a moment. She was stronger than she looked. 

“I’ll… do as I’ve always done,” he said, and tried to keep all inflection out of his voice. 

She looked unsurprised, but sad. Kunogi reached up, and put a small hand on the side of his face, before moving away. She had a family to go home to, after all. 

Doumeki found Mokona in the kitchen, and in his loneliness, the little thing jumped and attached himself to Doumeki’s face. 

“Mokona missed you both, it was so quiet and there was no one to drink with!” Doumeki rolled his eyes, slightly, and left him there, a warm body against his cheek. 

“Missed you too, Mokona,” he replied. 

Mokona pulled back, to stand on his shoulder, looking serious suddenly, as he was wont to do. 

“And Watanuki did what he needed to do?” 

“I was going to see.” 

Mokona rode his shoulder to the interior of the shop, to the large room that had belonged to another, but now hosted Watanuki behind its flowing silks. He slept, in the square bed in the center, and Doumeki took a chair by his bedside. He assumed that Watanuki would wake soon.


End file.
